Meeting people where they are
A short piece from the vaults, edited for today
I strongly believe in meeting people where they are. I believe in not placing expectations on others that they can’t or won’t meet. I believe in not making assumptions about what people think or what the motivations are for their actions. I believe in never demanding a person be someone or something they are not.
And.
None of this means every person who enters my life gets a permanent place in it.
Or that I don’t have or won’t maintain my boundaries.
Or that if a person is unable or unwilling to meet my wants that I simply suffer without.
We don’t need to wait for people to “catch up” to us. It is not our obligation to wait around while someone “sorts things out”. We are not required to tolerate hurtful or harmful behaviors or neglect (ie “silent treatment”) in the name of accepting people as they are and where they are.
We get to choose ourselves. We get to choose our love, our happiness, our desire. We get to know that we are not too much for having wants, desires, and needs.
Yes, I believe in meeting people where they are and that doesn’t mean I have to stay there with them.
Part of adult relationships of any kind is communication. Respect. Common decency. We don’t treat our lovers differently (or worse) than we would treat our dearest friends. Learning and growing into emotional maturity asks us to get over ourselves and deal with our trauma, wounding, and indoctrination in mature adult ways and to not act like petulant children towards each other.
We communicate our wants, needs, feelings, desires. This doesn’t mean the other person has to meet or fulfill them. And we need to express them so they have the opportunity to do so.
Being an adult in our relationships requires us to do and be different. To grow and expand ourselves. To do things that scare us and be emotionally vulnerable and transparent. This isn’t easy. It can be incredibly challenging. And frankly it is the least I expect of both myself and those who are part of my inner circles. Even so, it is a practice, imperfect and ever evolving.
I will always meet you where you are. And in my personal life that absolutely doesn’t mean I will stay there with you forever.
/../
This essay was originally published on Insta in April 2021. It has been revised for publication today.
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