Invitations to process, metabolize, and redirect
Taking our righteous grief, pain, and rage and pointing it where it should be
I’m not usually one for content warnings. I feel like a lot of times they are used, intentionally or not, as a shield for many so they don’t need to face the reality of any given situation, their own feelings about it, and any old trauma that still needs to be processed that may be stirred.
I’m also not much of a fan of “protecting our (inner) peace,” because again it is all too often used as an excuse for people to avoid their own shadows, accountability, and keep themselves out of emotionally intimate relationships that will force them to look at their past pain, trauma, and emotions.
That said, I know, first hand, how activating reading or learning about the details in the Epstein files can be and on more than one occassion wished there had been some sort of content warning. I have purposefully avoided reading the actual files and still have heard various details from folks on social media, and it has stirred my own childhood sexual trauma, including bringing back some long repressed memories. I have resources and support to help me manage all that is being stirred, including being a trained trauma therapist myself. I share this not to ask for extra support (because I am lucky and have plenty), but rather to state: if this is happening for me, it is likely happening for countless other survivors, many of whom may not have the resources to manage all that is being stirred.
The pain, grief, and rage many of us are feeling, not only for the victims in the Epstein files, but also from our own experiences and the experiences of those we love, is righteous, valid, and vital. We need to feel all that is being stirred in us. We need to find ways to express it that don’t cause us or those close to us harm. We need to be in it and then we need to redirect it toward not only the systems of harm, but also the people who benefit most, and perpetuate and are complicit with, these systems.
And.
While we are redirecting that pain, we also need to see the ways we have unintentionally projected and directed it on those we love. The ways we have lashed out or withheld. The ways we have put inappropriate expectations on others. The ways we have shrunk ourselves so that we cannot be seen or understood. The ways we have focused on all their faults instead of looking at the ways we ourselves have contributed to any hurtful parts of the dynamic.
Adults do not, and should not, love each other unconditionally. There are conditions, assumptions, and rules of behavior, most unspoken. We expect kindness, care, respect. We expect not to be physically, sexually, or psychological harmed. And when someone disrespects us, betrays us, lies to us, or abuses us, we have every right to walk away and end that relationship. We can love someone deeply and still not allow them to have access to us.
And.
While the above expectations in our adult relationships are appropriate, often many of us project a lot of inappropriate expectations on those we care about. We, unconsciously, look to our adult relationships to fill the voids created by our childhood relationships with our caregivers. Our “mommy” and “daddy” issues become prominent and when another adult “fails” to fill that void, our wounded parts tend to act out, creating conflict and false narratives in our minds about the meaning and intentions of the other adults in our lives. When another adult “fails” at fulfilling what was left unfulfilled in childhood, our stories of how others aren’t trustworthy, how we have to do everything ourselves, how no one will ever love us, etc are reinforced - not because what the other person necessarily did anything wrong, but because we are looking in the wrong places to the people who didn’t create our original wounds, unrealistically and inappropriately expecting them to fill them, to make us “whole,” “complete,” and or “safe.”
While it is true we heal in relationship, it is not another adult’s responsibility to fill those voids. It is ours.
We heal in relationship when we are able to recognize the ways our old pain is activated, and instead of projecting the responsibility to “fix it” on the person who, likely unintentionally, activated us, we look within at those wounded parts and we ourselves give them the love they have always deserved.
This can look a million different ways. Perhaps it means setting a boundary. Maybe it means taking some time to do some fun “childish” activities like coloring or swinging on a swing. It could mean talking through the original wound with a trusted counselor/mentor/therapist. It may mean doing some very intentional somatic and embodiment work to calm your nervous system and or help the trauma move through our bodies and release. Possibly it means getting into nature and communing with the trees. Likely, it means some combination of these things while connecting to those younger wounded parts.
After we have done our “self” work, if a conversation needs to be had with the other person, we can have that conversation from a place of grounded intention instead of activation, with the goal being to create safer intimacy, not causing harm. This may mean we have to set clear boundaries, and if the other person disrespects or crosses them, we need to walk away. We can’t make other adults respect our boundaries, only we can do that.
Being in a state of low key (or maybe high key) activation as our media is flooded with details and information that is highly activating for most of us, invites us to become more and more aware of this state, to become more and more embodied, so we can recognize what is old activation compared to new and so we can look to our trusted loved ones for appropriate support instead of unintentionally and or unconsciously pushing our pain out and onto them.
It is important to note that being activated is not the issue, but rather how we manage, or don’t manage, this activation. If we are not being activated and horrified by the details coming out we are far more dissociated than we should be. Feeling the fear, rage, grief, and pain that is being brought up for us is part of the process of healing and moving in the direction of creating a different world, and more immediately, different relationships within our smaller circles and communities.
I believe it is also important to recognize that we have been being bombarded with images of the horrors of genocide for almost two and a half years. These horrors, our witnessing them on our phones, were meant to desensitize and prepare us for reacting to the Epstein files. The timing of all of this is not coincidental. It has been intentional and purposeful, with the goal of having us not react because either we have become so numb we don’t feel anything anymore or we are so overwhelmed with feelings that we are frozen - the end result is the same: the oppressive and abusive powers that be can continue going along as they always have.
We, the public, now have documents detailing what the president of the United States (where I and many of you live) has done to children, and he still is in office. A truth is, that everyone in those upper echelons already knew. And they knew either because they witnessed it or they participated themselves. We need to remember that we, the public, are actually the last to know. That these secrets have been held for decades, and beyond the Epstein files, for centuries, so those in power can stay in power and are only now being released and revealed because they feel invulnerable and irreproachable, above any consequences that in a human world should be coming their way.
The systems of harm want us infighting. They want our emotionally intimate relationships to be filled with conflict. They want us blaming each other for our pain instead of looking out and seeing its real roots: capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy and the people who benefit most from them. They want us projecting and putting inappropriate expections on each other so they will never be held accountable for the harm, trauma, and horror they have inflicted on us.
We fight back by not letting them win in this way. We fight back by doing our inner work. We fight back by holding ourselves accountable for harm we may have caused, unintentionally or otherwise. We fight back by creating relationships built on honesty, respect, vulnerability, support, care, nurturance, and nourishment with others who are also doing this inner work. We fight back by doing relationships differently than we’ve been indoctrinated to do them.
Part of doing relationship differently, includes the ways we may look at celebrity, the rich, the powerful, those with supposed “authority”. It means taking people down off pedestals. It means seeing their flaws. It means not making excuses for the harm they have done, regardless of what good they may have also done. It means accountability for those with power and who abuse it. It means allowing this world to completely shatter, so we have the space to build something new.
Another part of doing relationship differently is how we view our romantic and sexual relationships. Moving away from a place of the other person being “mine” to a place where we respect, support, and celebrate each other’s autonomy. We are being invited to heal our attachment wounds, to dislodge our indoctrination of what a “real” relationship is “supposed” to look like and considering what actually feels good and right to us, what we actually want outside our wounding.
A third part is our relationship with ourselves, and all our parts and multitudes. It means making friends with That Voice in our head, thanking it for trying to protect us, and letting it know it can rest now. It means welcoming home our exiled parts, yes even That One. It means nurturing our younger selves and giving them what our caregivers couldn’t and didn’t.
A fourth part is our relationship with this earth and all her inhabitants. It is no coincidence that most of us are so disconnected from nature that we don’t consider ourselves to be a part of it (even though we are very much a part of it). This disconnection is part of our isolation and part of how the systems of harm have continued to keep us obedient and compliant. Making friends with a tree or a rock or a squirrel can do amazing things for our nervous systems and psyche as well as begin to bring us closer to a viseral understanding of how expansive our interconnection and interdependence is with every part of our planet and universe.
The best time for us to begin this work was twenty, no a hundred, years ago. The next best time is now.
We cannot undo the harm done to us or the harm we have done to others. We can hold ourselves accountable for our own actions and begin the life-long, incredibly confronting, and at times extremely challenging work of healing, reconnecting to our souls and our humanity. The work of dislodging the “master’s tools” from our body and being. The work of love, of care, of feeling, of understanding, of seeing, of being seen.
What is your next step in this process of (r)evolution, healing, and change?
This is the first publication of this essay.
If you are interested in working with me to begin or continue your own path of growth, healing, (r)evolution, and change, of dismantling and dislodging the master’s tools from your own being, to grow more nurturing and nourishing relationships, of coming back into your body and the present moment, I have opened up a few more of my sliding scale spots. I would love to meet with you to see if we are a good fit. See the links below.
In order to help bring inner balance and respect for my energy and writing, most new writing (including most RLoT, Witch Sh!t, and new essays) will be behind a paywall. - “From the vaults” essays will continue being available for everyone for three months until they are archived) Having a paid subscription not only puts a couple dollars in my bank account to pay my bills, it also encourages me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to continue sharing my work and offers reciprocity for my time and energy to produce this work. If you benefit from these resources and cannot afford the $7 per month subscription fee, please contact me directly and we can work something out.
Ways for us to connect
Gwynn Raimondi Writes on Insta*
Soothe Your Nervous System Card Deck
Wednesday Mid-Week Grounding Most Wednesdays I go live on Substack at Noon PST and offer some grounding and or somatic exercises for us to practice together. The recording is then posted and available for all paid subscribers to access at any time.
Individual Sessions (I currently have a few bi-weekly and weekly spots available and sliding scale options are also available. If you are interested in working with me, you can either dm me here, email me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com, or fill out the consultation request form found here (be sure to confirm the subscription!) to request a free 30-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit.) You can also learn more here.
Tarot Readings Every month I offer four readings and they are given on a first come, first served basis. If you are interested in having a reading done by me, you can email me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com with Tarot/Oracle Request in the subject line and I will get back to you with questions and payment information. You can also learn more here.
Ancestral Healing & Journeying Work - (Re)Connecting to who we were before whiteness. Individual sessions to find reconnection with your ancesters, healing ancestral curses/processing ancestral trauma, and nourishing our ancestral strength and wisdom. If this kind of work interests you, I invite you to reach out so we can set up a 30-minute free consultation to discuss what this work could look like for you by emailing me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com with “Ancestral Connection Inquiry” in the subject line. You can also learn more here.
*Please note I am slowly moving away from social media. The best way to connect with me and my work is right here.
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