I want you to know
From the Archives (June 2021)
I want you to know...
...I see you. Your tenderness, your softness, your sensitivity, your magic and beauty and brilliance. I see it all behind that front you put on, the tough I don’t care fuck them attitude you wear, that mask and armor you use to hide and shield yourself.
...I love the whole and holy of you. The mask and everything behind the mask.
... You are so much more than you give yourself credit for.
... Words are not the only language we speak. The language of our bodies express what there are no words for.
... Wherever you go, there you are. You can try to run from your demons but they are always there within you.
... There is time. It’s not too late. All the things you have bottled up can still be shared. All the feelings you have tried to ignore can still be expressed.
... Physical distance doesn’t change how your heart feels. Love and grief know no bounds. Your heart can ache and be full at the same time.
... Yes letting people in is scary as fuck and a huge risk because yes they might leave, and also they might stay. Or they may leave and come back. And yes there will be heartache and most times all the good that came from knowing them makes any heartache worth it.
... Endings don’t have to be The End. Good-byes can actually mean Until Next Time. What a person says or writes, what they mean or feel, and how we interpret it all can all look vastly different.
... We all have things we’ve said and done we wish we could take back. We wish we could change. We wish we could undo. This is where grace, for ourselves and others, becomes most vital.
I want you to know...
... What you have meant to me. What you mean to me. How it feels to be in your presence. How you made my life brighter, fuller, more beautiful and fun.
... You are never a burden. You are never an inconvenience. You are not a mistake or a lesson. I have never, ever been dissatisfied or disappointed with or by you.
... I understand that silence sometimes feels safer. That getting everything exactly right feels more important than just being who you are and allowing the messy to exist. That all those chips on your shoulders are heavy and oppressive.
... I welcome your mess. Your imperfections. And you never, ever, have to prove your worth or value or deserving to me because I already know you are priceless, precious, and holy.
... I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you. I’m sorry my own past pain came out in the ways it did. I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear and articulate about who you are and what you mean to me.
... We are all human. None of us have any idea what the fuck we are doing most days. ALL of us carry baggage and trauma and fear and pain. None of us are perfect or should be put on pedestals. We are all angels and demons at the same time.
... I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe in us. And together is only way we’ll to get through it all intact.
I want you to know...
... Finding kindreds is rare. And when you meet them you can’t hold on to them. You have to let them and yourself be free.
... Love isn’t about cages or chains or contracts. It doesn’t look like fairy tales and it doesn’t feel like finally being whole. It isn’t about promises of forever or needing to never have doubts.
... Love is about freedom. And ease. And grace. And patience. And compassion. And yes there will be hard times because we are all humans and we are messy and complex and complicated and contradictory. And the hard times can be opportunities for us to become even closer.
... The opposite of love is indifference. All that pain you feel that you are calling hate is really grief and fear. Allow yourself to come back home to love. Again and again and again.
... It’s okay to be scared. To not be sure. To worry. To be weak. To be vulnerable. To need someone. To want someone.
... You are brave. You are brilliant and beautiful and sexy. Strong. Powerful. Sweet. Soft. Handsome. Gorgeous.
... Your feelings aren’t “too much”. You are not “too much”. You are exactly enough. This doesn’t mean you don’t have work to do. It does mean you never have to try to be perfect for me.
... Your thoughts, ideas, viewpoints, perspectives all matter to me. I want to know you. All of you.
... I want you. All of you. The messy. The incomplete. The ugly. The hard. The angry. The sad. Along with the gorgeous. The brilliant. The easy. The joyful. The fun. All of you.
... I see all the good you bring to the world. All you do for those you care about, including me. I appreciate you, all you do and all you are.
I want you to know...
... Growth can be painful. That doesn’t mean we don’t do the work. It means we connect with the people who can hold us through the pain, the mess, and fear of it all.
... It’s okay to allow people to help you.
... Relationships are not one way streets. When you give it is important to also receive. When you shut off people who can be there for you, even in the most mundane ways, you shut off opportunities for connection, growth, and ease.
... Being curious and asking difficult questions will ultimately save you. Making assumptions will rob you of opportunities for deep connection and joy. What you think a person means isn’t always what they actually mean.
... Conflicts don’t need to lead to wars. Ruptures can often be repaired. It is possible to rekindle fires when there is still a spark.
... We can get through this. Communication is key. Connection is key. Being clear with stating our wants, needs, boundaries is key. As is being able to hear each other’s.
... Just because a person has a want doesn’t mean you have to fulfill it. Just because someone asks something of you doesn’t mean you are required to do it or that you somehow failed them because you couldn’t.
... I am here. Right here. To listen. To talk. To hold you and be held by you. Today. Tomorrow. Always. All ways.
This piece was originally published on Insta as a four part series in June 2021. It has been edited for publication here.
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