It wasn't like this before
From the archives (July 2021)
We may tell ourselves it wasn’t like this before, and we are both right and wrong.
No, it wasn’t *exactly* like it was before. Because you are a different person now than then. Because it is a different situation. Because they are different people. Because we never love two people the same.
And.
The tears. The literal ache in your chest. The desperately wanting things to be different. The knowing this was inevitable, but sweet Jesus couldn’t we just have more time. The looking outside for answers you already know. This is all similar, familiar, and yet new and raw and fresh.
You’ve been here before. You’ll be here again.
Because you live and love with a broken open heart. Because you know the risk and the inevitable outcome and know all the sweetness, beauty, and magic that came before is ultimately worth it. Because even knowing what you do now you wouldn’t trade a single moment of the past so you could avoid what is in this moment.
And you know there will a tomorrow. And it may not be any better than today and it will be different.
So for now, accept the sweet spaces that allow you rest, to recover, to put salve on that aching chest. Allow the gentle spaces that ask nothing of you and so willingly give. Allow for breath and slowness and quiet and cocooning.
Because this is part of the process. And in six months or a year you may see it all so differently. And there may be another who you swear you never felt this way about but know that is both true and untrue. Or maybe there will be a new beginning or maybe what you see as an ending now eventually evolves into something else, something different, better, more than you dared to dream.
We can’t know the future, not the details, and we know that a future exists. That feelings pass and life moves forward, and at some point, you will too.
This piece was originally published on Insta in July 2021. It has been edited for publication here.
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