Wants vs. Needs

A short essay from 2023, revised for today

We often conflate wants with needs. What I mean by this is that needs are things that are necessary for our literal survival. Things like shelter, food, drinkable water, social connection. The kinds of shelter, food, drink, or social connections we prefer are wants. We don’t need strawberries to survive for example but we do need foods with Vitamin C.

We do this especially within our human relationships and most prominently in our romantic/sexual ones. It is true humans are social animals and for us to thrive we need connection - physical, emotional, and intellectual. We have a need to be seen, heard, and understood. The older we become the less we need any of this for actual survival, and still we need them to thrive and live relatively fulfilling and happy lives.

But what we confuse here is that we “need” any or all of these things from a specific person. We don’t need it from any one person we have chosen - we Want it from that specific person. I don’t need physical affection from my…