Wanting to change

An essay from May 2020, edited for publication today

Sometimes we can want to be and to relate a certain way in the world. To do something different than we have before. To break to a deeper layer of the harmful patterns and cycles that were passed down to us and we developed to survive.

We can want this new way of being with all our souls. We can believe in it to the depths of our core. It can feel Right in so many ways and truly aligns with our values and beliefs.

And.

This new way of being in relationship can be challenging as we do the work of doing different and disrupting patterns, and then The Next Layer of our wounding and trauma is revealed.

And we notice ourselves slip all too easily back into harmful ways of thinking. Of behaving. We witness the return of the old ways of being and it feels so familiar but it also feels a bit foreign. Not quite right.