Trauma, socialization, & our relationships

An essay from 2023, revised for today

Humans are social beings. We evolved in community and our neuropathways crave connection. Yet the systems we live under, the ones that traumatize us each day, have spread the myths of rugged individualism, the nuclear family, and scarcity and lack.

We all live with trauma running through our DNA and nervous systems. When it comes to emotionally intimate relationships, we are all wild wounded animals, desperately wanting someone to come close and help us while hyper-vigilantly protecting ourselves from future pain and wounds by keeping anyone and everyone away.

We are all wandering around, hurt, wanting, and searching for someone to understand us, accept us, love us, while hiding behind masks and old (untrue) narratives of our worth, value, lovable-ness. We focus on our hurt so intently we can hardly imagine what it is to feel safe, nurtured, nourished, unconditionally cared for or loved.

We need each other. We want each other. And we have no idea how to connect with each other.

What if, i…