Sometimes we know
From the vaults (2022)
Sometimes we know. We know. We know.
And despite the knowing there is still fear. There is still trauma. There is still history that says something different.
But the past isn’t the present, except when it is.
The past doesn’t need to be repeated, except when it does.
Healing isn’t linear. I used to say the process looked like moving up and down, in and out a three dimensional spiral. Now I say it looks like a two year old’s furious crayon scribbles all over the table.
Life is strange, unpredictable. People are too. Except when it’s not. Except when they’re not,
I wanted happiness, so I started down this journey of shadow and trauma work, hoping I’d finally find it.
Instead I’ve found peace.
It’s a strange place to be in life. Where you no longer wrestle with your demons, but instead have tea, a joint, and listen to music with them.
It’s strange to still have those dives into the abyss and know in your core you will come back up and be able to breathe again.
It’s strange to have a small, tight inner circle of people who deeply know you, see you, love you because of it all, not despite it.
It’s strange to love and be loved so freely and even when the anxiety tries to take charge you are able to be curious and they are able to confirm what you already knew in your sinew (yes, they’re still here).
We say I love you in so many ways without using those words. We only need to listen. We only need to observe. We only need to act and show up again and again.
(Easier said than done)
My brother writes such beautiful words. They make me weep, feel, laugh, be. My words are nothing like his but I can tell you I have tears streaming down my face and my heart feels so full my chest may burst in the most gorgeous way as I thumb type this on my phone. I hope you find words that do that to you too because it is the best feeling of aliveness there is.
Maybe not The Best, but definitely in the top five.
Along side slow breath and slower hands.
Along side crashing waves and warm sand.
Along side rushing rivers through dense forests that always bring you home.
Along side [fill in the blank].
To love and be loved. This is our purpose. Don’t you see? I do.*
To support and be supported. This is our purpose. Don’t you see? I do.
To come together while allowing space. This is our purpose. Don’t you see? I do.
To become one, melded togther while maintaining our autonomy, our uniqueness, our freedom. This is our purpose. Don’t you see? I do.
Everything after the * is new, today, my words flowing and seeing the wisdom of past words. Noticing how they were not only describing the past and present of then, but also the future to come.
To be seen. To be known. To see. To know. This is our purpose with each other. Perhaps we understand, perhaps we don’t, but understanding isn’t relavent nor necessary when we see and know. We do not need to understand the whys and hows if we are in the moment, the present, the clarity of truly seeing and knowing, of truly being seen and known.
Peace. We find peace.
Which doesn’t mean life is easy, or we don’t have struggles or hardships, or we don’t have chaotic lives, or life is all smooth sailing.
Peace means we trust. We know. We believe ourselves. We know in our marrow that this moment, good, bad, or neutral, will pass. We know we are held, by the earth, by the water, by the air, by our guides and ancestors, by our chosen family, and most importantly, we are held by our Self.
We can only find true connection when we are honest. With ourselves. With others. When we share the scary things, the hard things, the embarassing things, the shameful things. When we stop hiding and allow ourselves to be seen.
Sometimes people can and do see through our masks, our veils, our armor. This can be terrifying, it can be freeing.
We all have our wounds. We all want to both bare them for all to see and simultaneously hide them from everyone, including ourselves. Every wound a potential portal. To healing, sure, but more to connection, to each other, to ourselves, to home, to peace.
This essay was originally published on IG in October 2022. It has been edited and expanded for publication here, today.
If you are interested in working with me to begin or continue your own path of growth, healing, (r)evolution, and change, of dismantling and dislodging the master’s tools from your own being, I have opened up a few more of my sliding scale spots. I would love to meet with you to see if we are a good fit. See the links below.
In order to help bring inner balance and respect for my energy and writing, all new writing (including RLoT, Witch Sh!t, and most of my new essays) will be behind a paywall. - “From the vaults” essays will continue being available for everyone for three months until they are archived) Having a paid subscription not only puts a couple dollars in my bank account to pay my bills, it also encourages me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to continue sharing my work and offers reciprocity for my time and energy to produce this work. If you benefit from these resources and cannot afford the $7 per month subscription fee, please contact me directly and we can work something out.
Ways for us to connect
Gwynn Raimondi Writes on Insta*
Soothe Your Nervous System Card Deck
Individual Sessions (I currently have a few bi-weekly and weekly spots available and sliding scale options are also available. If you are interested in working with me, you can either dm me here, email me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com, or fill out the consultation request form found here (be sure to confirm the subscription!) to request a free 30-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit.) You can also learn more here.
Tarot Readings Every month I offer four readings and they are given on a first come, first served basis. If you are interested in having a reading done by me, you can email me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com with Tarot/Oracle Request in the subject line and I will get back to you with questions and payment information. You can also learn more here.
Ancestral Healing & Journeying Work - (Re)Connecting to who we were before whiteness. Individual sessions to find reconnection with your ancesters, healing ancestral curses/processing ancestral trauma, and nourishing our ancestral strength and wisdom. If this kind of work interests you, I invite you to reach out so we can set up a 30-minute free consultation to discuss what this work could look like for you by emailing me at raimondi dot gwynn at gmail dot com with “Ancestral Connection Inquiry” in the subject line. You can also learn more here.
*Please note I am slowly moving away from social media. The best way to connect with me and my work is right here.
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