Our partners are not our therapist

There’s a meme that’s been going around for a while that says something like “yeah sex is great, but have you ever stayed up all night processing your childhood trauma with your partner/soul mate/lover?”

To say this meme irritates the ever loving fuck out of me is an understatement. I become even more enraged when I have seen THERAPISTS - even RELATIONSHIP THERAPISTS - sharing this and writing about how great it is be vulnerable on that level, etc, etc, etc.

REPEAT AFTER ME:: It is not your lover’s/partner’s/best friend’s job to hold space for you to process your trauma. It is not your lover’s/partner’s/best friend’s job to help you regulate your nervous system - especially when you are in conflict with them (that said it is nice when you can co-regulate with those people, but they are not responsible for making sure your nervous system is regulated).

Our lovers/partners/friends are, generally speaking, not trained trauma support professionals. Even when they are, it is not okay to expec…