EWR : 14. Stopping our Self from feeling love
Embodied Writing : Relating, Relationships, & Trauma series
To feel and know in our bones that we are loved, admired, adored... holy whoa.
It can feel so uncomfortable. It feels weird. Not right.
When we are being seen by another, it leaves us vulnerable. When we are loved by another it also leaves us vulnerable. If we let that love in, we'll want more. Then fear sets in because what if they take that love away?
Once that fear sets in and starts to run rampant we can find ourselves twisting and turning ourselves. We can find ourselves scrambling to be whoever it is we think the other wants us to be. We can find ourselves silencing, hiding, even pushing away.
Because the fear of losing that love is too great. The loss feels like it would be too huge. So, better to just not feel it at all.
Here's a thing though: All things come to an end.
I don't say that to prove your fear right.
Actually the opposite.
Yes, all things come to an end. They evolve. They die. They change. They disappear. The loss we feel when this happens can be overwhelming. It can break us. It can shatter us.
This is all true.
And.
When we are able to let that love in. To feel it in our very marrow. To know in our deepest being it is true. Well, this changes us too. This causes an ending. It can be overwhelming. It can shatter us. In all the good ways. In the ways we never knew possible. It can expand us. It can guide our growth, our healing. It can liberate us.
Love, in a sense, is never ending. Even after a relationship comes to a close, the love that was in it lives on inside of us. It is that love that holds us as we grieve, that helps us pick up those shattered pieces and put them back together, lovingly, in (likely) a new arrangement.
To not love because we are afraid of losing that love, to not let it in because it will likely at some point go away... that is defeating the purpose of love.
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