ERETM4 :: 02. Toxic Monogamy

Embodied Relating Exploring Trauma and how it impacts our relationships series

Some Definitions

From Google, the definition of Monogamy:

1. the practice or state of being married to one person at a time.

2. the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.

3. the habit of having only one mate at a time.

From Google, the definition of toxic:

1. poisonous.

2. very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.

If you google "toxic relationship," the definition always includes a reference to abuse (physical or emotional) and implies conscious intention of one (or both) partner(s) causing harm to the other.

My concern with these definitions are the ideas that:

• In order for a relationship to be toxic, there has to be actual abuse present

• That harm caused is always both conscious and intentional

• That harm is inflicted by another person, and that we can't/don't actually sometimes inflict it upon ourselves.

When we look at monogamy in particular, and the ways that it can be toxic, it is important to consider the ways our patriarchal culture and conditioning contr…