ERETM3 : 02. Demands & Communication

Embodied Relating Exploring Trauma and how it impacts our relationships series

This week we'll explore the idea of demands and how we can find other ways of communication that lead to connection instead of disconnection.

Demand

From Google, the definition of demand:

noun

1. an insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right.

verb

1. ask authoritatively or brusquely."“Where is she?” he demanded"

Looking at the definitions for demand, it doesn't appear to be a very good way to connect with others, does it? A demand assumes authority or obligation or expectation. A demand does not ask, it states. A demand is telling another person what they must do, instead of asking if they could do.

Demands are about control.

We traumatized humans both hate to be controlled and love to try to control others. Our demands are linked to expectations and assumptions. It is us telling another person how they need act, what they need to say and doesn't require us to be responsible for our own actions (or inactions) in a given situation.

Demands are about others, not ourselves, at least on the su…