We need to honor the grief of not only final endings and deaths, but also transformations and the endings and mini deaths they bring.
We can love someone deeply and be unwilling to be a part of their avoidance of accountability or (self) delusions. In fact I would say if we love someone deeply we absolutely cannot be any part of their avoidance or lies to themselves (or others).
I do not need people to be perfect, to see things exactly as I do, nor be at the same place in their healing or life journey as me. I do need people who are willing and able to grow, change, and hold themselves accountable for harm caused.
I do not expect nor desire to be the center or top priority in anyone else’s life (I’m the center and top priority of my own). I do expect respect, care, understanding and our relationship to be *A* priority.
When our younger parts want something that is no longer possible, holding space for and sitting with their rage, disappointment, and grief is the most healing and loving thing we can do for ourselves.
Some people are a part of our soul’s journey and the connection we have with them can never be broken, regardless of circumstances, in this or any lifetime, realm, or dimension.
We are connected by a million invisible golden threads. Quantum entanglement applies to more than quarks and light waves. Everyone we have relationship with becomes an inextricable part of us and we of them. Love given is never wasted and the love I gave you I do not regret giving and is forever yours to keep.
We can hold memories tenderly and close, have immense gratitude for what was, the growth and healing that happened because of it all, and still walk away from a relationship when it no longer offers the nurturing and nourishing we need or if we have grown beyond the ways it once fulfilled us.
Sometimes we know what we need to do, what would be best for ourselves, the other, our relationship, but we absolutely do not want to do it. And yet, even though we know it will bring grief and heartache, we find our way to doing it because it is the only way to move forward in love and care.
Planting seeds, healing our ancestral, childhood, and societal wounds, allowing the endings that need to occur so new beginnings can take root, and focusing on our own inner and outer work is the way to stay on our karmic path, to our soul evolution, and to embrace our purpose and meaning in this world, this life, and the next.
Acknowledging the importance of separation, of following our own path and giving others the space to do the same, invites us to be willing to sit in both the grief of loss of the past and in the hope of what is yet to unfold.
When we are able to get quiet, connect directly with our core self/soul and hear what they want, sometimes resistance to that want bubbles up. Exploring the resistance and understanding it helps us get closer to obtaining the actual want than trying to ignore, stuff down, or plow through the resistance.
We can fight against what is, or we can accept it and move forward with our lives accordingly. The first choice will only bring more and more increasing frustration and pain, the second may bring pain in the short term, but over the long term will bring us immense amounts of peace.
Letting go of important people is rarely a simple or easy task. Allowing our grief to flow is vital.
Healing from trauma doesn’t mean going through life as if it never happened or never again being triggered. It means being able to process the events and all our feelings about them without becoming flooded and going into shutdown and learning to manage the feelings that come up when those experiences and their emotional and visceral sensations are inevitably activated.
Sometimes we want to be there for someone in ways that wouldn’t actually be helpful for them or us. We need to always do the kind, though sometimes painful, thing of giving space for them to figure it out on their own.
Sometimes growth looks like embracing, integrating, and sharing those parts of us we’ve been told are too weird or don’t make sense or aren’t actually real.
Timing is always a thing. Trusting timing (kairos) is a practice.
No matter how hard we may try we cannot force the universe, our relationships, or even ourselves, to bend to our will, whims, or wants. AND. Being in the natural flow of life also means BEING the natural flow of life.
We can’t fully know where life will lead us. We can hope it will lead us one place or even a deep knowing of pieces of where we will go or end up, but we can never know all the details or what exactly will be involved to get us there.
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