Coming into the knowing

A short piece from the vault, updated for today

There may be moments when everything clicks into place. When after months of struggling, and fighting yourself (and others), and being clear in what you want but then the messages of what you should want or are supposed to want seep in along with all your trauma and abandonment issues and needing things to be a certain way because that’s what you know but you know it is absolutely not what you actually want. After all the tears and sorting and wanting and demanding and searching deep within, it just clicks.

That knowing you’ve had all along. The clarity of what you want and how you want to be. You re-member that you want something you’ve never allowed yourself to have. Your eyes open and you realize Holy Fuck, it’s right here. This thing you’ve always wanted, that you have been fighting against for months, is right here. And you’ve known this all along, you just didn’t know how to accept it. How to trust it. How to believe it.

And then you can breathe. And allow the space. And trust wha…