A year ago I wrote “Because dopamine and oxytocin are addictive af and dear gods and goddesses aren’t we all just junkies looking for that one fix that will finally last?” as the closing line to this Instagram post.
I was trying to write while getting a pedicure and he started massaging and pressing my pressure points. I had to set my phone down and just be in that moment allowing care, being present, releasing distraction and the smallest amount of control.
The other night I coughed and only woke myself enough to roll over. He immediately responded and wrapped himself around me and it was the most intimate tenderness I’d allowed from a lover in years and it only happened because I was mostly asleep but and perhaps more so, because for some reason, since the second time we met, my nervous system feels safe enough with him to let my guard down and let him in. It felt so sweet. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. It lasted only a brief second before I was back asleep.
He used to tel…
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