Attachment, relationships, & letting go

Kenny Rogers wrote :

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away and know when to run

I was seven years old when this song was released.  I remember belting it out whenever it came on the radio, not understanding the depth, layers, or soul truth of each word. I was too young to know about attachment theory, or the long term impacts of the trauma I had already been experiencing for years (and was then suppressing from my memory). I had no idea these two lines would be one of my greatest life lessons over forty years later.

One of the ways traumatic experiences impact us is through our attachment styles - the ways we relate to others. Most of us have primarily insecure attachment styles, be it anxious, avoidant, or disorganized. With practice, and processing our trauma and coming into our body, we can move to becoming more securely attached. This requires practice over time, and is mostly a life long practice.

Insecure attachment shows up in our relationships in variations of two main themes: