Accountability is an inside job

A random list o tings

In order to help bring inner balance of respect for my energy and writing, most new writing will be behind a paywall. Having a paid subscription both encourages me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to continue sharing my work and offers reciprocity for my time and energy to produce this work. If you benefit from these resources and cannot afford the $7 per month subscription fee, please contact me directly and we can work something out.

1. Apologies without changed behavior are meaningless.

2. People who tolerate repeated harmful behaviors are making a choice. This isn’t victim blaming. This is acknowledging we all have choices to make, sometimes difficult ones, in our relationships.

3. Seeing the patterns of harm in other’s relationships is often easier than seeing them in our own.

4. We can’t make others do the right thing. We can choose to not give them our time and energy though.

5. Hiding and avoiding only makes matters worse. That said, people need time to process & regulate themselves & that can’t happen on our timeline.

6. Managing all the various parts of us that may get activated by any given event is a lot of work. I don’t think we give people enough credit when they do this work.

7. Sometimes the Notes app is our best friend, letting all the hurt, terrified, and raging parts say all they need to say without saying them to the person directly & causing more harm.