A moment in time

Stream of conscious writing from August 2022, updated for today

In late summer 2021 I wrote, “Because dopamine and oxytocin are addictive af & dear gods & goddesses aren’t we all just junkies looking for that one fix that will finally last?”

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I was sitting there trying to write this while getting a pedicure and he started pressing my pressure points & I had to set my phone down and just be in that moment allowing care, being present, releasing.

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One night I coughed, barely waking myself, and rolled over and he immediately responded, wrapped himself around me and it was the most tenderness I’d let in in years, and even remembering it today, more than two years later, it brings tears to my eyes. This beautiful, tender moment only happened because I was mostly asleep and or some reason my nervous system always felt safe enough with him to let my guard down. It felt so sweet. I wanted to live in that moment forever. It lasted only a brief second before I was back asleep.

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He used to tell me, over and over, that we can never relive that first time. Lookin…